A Letter To My Daughter.

My Sweet Ella,
There are no words in this letter that would be able to express what you are to me, but I felt compelled to write this anyway.

Do you know you changed my world?

I remember the day that I knew you were coming. With my back against the bathroom wall, head spinning, I knew my life would change forever. And through those months, with you rolling and kicking inside me, I began to know you. We decided on your name, Ella Kathryn, which means: Beautiful and Pure. How fitting, right? I loved you with all that I am from that day on, my sweet Ella girl.

Do you remember what we were doing on this day 4 years ago? I do. Seemingly eager to meet the world, you arrived 4 days before your induction date. You were the most beautiful, perfect baby I had ever seen. When the nurse laid all 7 pounds 4 ounces of you on my chest, it was magical! Your tiny cry was calmed as soon as I put my hand on your back and started speaking quietly to you. What an amazing feeling it was to believe you already 'knew' me. I cried tears of such amazing joy as did everyone in the room. We all loved you so much, Ella! Our first night together I still remember like it was yesterday. My nurse taught me a cool way to hold you in bed. It was called "Kangaroo Kare." We pulled up my shirt and took off your tiny little shirt, and I snuggled you, belly to belly for hours. This was supposed to help you pattern your breathing to mine as well as help you feel secure. I remember being so in love and happy, and scared all at the same time. Here you were, this precious little baby and you were entrusted to me. I was overwhelmed with the magnitude of it all. I wanted to be the absolute best mommy to you and to give you the moon and the stars!

These last 4 years have flown by! It is so hard to believe that you are already 4, but even harder to believe that you haven't been in my life forever. You have grown from that tiny, fragile baby into a smart and vibrant little girl. You are so funny (which I have to believe was inherited from me ;-) ) and have the best live-in-the-moment prospective on life. I love how you dive right into things and aren't afraid to try new things! You also amaze me with your undying love for animals. You are so kind and gentle and have a very, very wise soul. Out of all these things, I think my favorite thing about you is the way you can make me feel. You make my heart soar with the way that you love me. The way that you tell me, without prompting, that you love me several times a day. The way you make sure everyone knows that I'm your "best friend." The way you smile at me in the mornings when you climb into my bed. You are truly the most spectacular thing that has ever happened to me.

It's hard to even describe all that you are to me. You are my savior and my hero. You are my every breath, my reason for getting up in the morning. You are the birds singing, the smell of vanilla and the sunflowers blowing in the wind. You are my heart beating, my teacher, warm feet in my bed on cold mornings. You are every word ever written, all things sweet and good and every sunset. You have taught me the most valuable lessons. You have taught me patience and unconditional love. Everyday brings prayers and thanks for your existence, your wisdom and your health.

And so, sweet Ella, on the anniversary of my most memorable night, I thank you. Thank you for all that you are and all that you have brought to my life. Thank you for loving me unconditionally and believing in me. And most of all, thank you for choosing me.

Here's to your fifth year! May it bring you many new discoveries and may you continue to feel loved and cherished by everyone in your life. May you keep your wonder and the fearlessness that inspires you to live your life full-tilt.

And on this day I'd like to renew my promise to you that I made 4 years ago. I love you with all that I am. You have my heart and all that encompasses it. I can hardly wait to see what your life has in store for you. You are destined for great things, Ella!

Happy Birthday, my angel.

I love you, sweet girl of mine,
Mommy.